Monday, October 8, 2012

Unemployed, Rejected, and Uncertain

Lately I have been feeling rejected and depressed. As a family we have decided that I will look for a full-time job and go back to work. Initially, I was enthused about this decision. I was happy because, it’s hard living on a strict budget and working with very little. Living on one income definitely challenges me to be faithful and to make the most of all of my resources.

I guess I was being arrogant and prideful when I applied for jobs. I believed employers would want to hire me immediately. I have submitted employment applications for tons of jobs since the end of July. So far I have gone on one interview and I did not get the job. One day I received 3 rejection emails from potential employers in one day. I started to doubt my ability as a designer and I felt uncertain about the future, kids won't be kids forever. My husband wasn’t pressuring me to get a job but I just felt like, I of all people should be working a 9-5 by now.

The other night before bedtime I did a bible study with the kids. We go in order in our children’s bible and it just so happened that the study was on Jonah. I was already having a bad day. I felt rejected, depressed, and I was eating more hoping it would make me feel better. In my most pessimistic thought I just wanted to hurry and get the bible study done and over because we have studied this story so many times.

I cannot recall how long ago it was but I went to InTouch Ministries website and subscribed to their free InTouch magazine. The bad day I had the previous day had carried over to the next day. I checked the mailbox that afternoon and noticed the InTouch magazine I subscribed to had finally arrived. As I ate my dinner in the evening, I thought maybe I should read an article. Flipping through pages I settled on an article I knew nothing about but I was more intrigued by the picture. I wasn’t sure if it was a black man praying but it appeared to be. The article was titled, From the Belly of the Beast: How to pray when life goes dark by Winn Collier.

Photo by InTouch Ministries
 The article started with a brief story about three gold miners, one died, who were buried alive; trapped in a safety cage for two weeks. For the gold miners that experience was their dark moment. Next the article goes to the story of Jonah in the bible and Jonah is described as having a dark experience while being trapped in the belly of a fish. The article urges you to imagine yourself being the one cast over into the furious waves and swallowed by a large fish. In Jonah’s dark moment, the article says, Jonah prayed. The article suggests that in our dark moments we should pray. The irony is that last night I read about Jonah and now I am revisiting it again. I believe everyone has their dark moments that are personal to them. I felt joyful and encouraged that even during my feelings of rejection and uncertainty, my own dark moment, I was encouraged all the more to abide in him.

Maybe the night before as I begrudgingly did the bible study with the children Jesus was trying to tell me something then. I just couldn’t hear him at the time so he repeated it again for me in a way that I could understand. I was able to ponder Jesus’ rejection and his dark experience for us, so that we may live.

When you feel rejection, depression, or any dark moments what are some positive ways that you deal with them to see joyful light again? I would love to know your solutions.

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